i'm bored

i hate the state i am in right now. i feel so unsettled and it unsettles me to no end. what do i feel right now you ask? i feel like i woke up in the wrong body. like, this body i inhabit is not really mine and that my soul doesn't fit. which is not right at all. this IS my body and my soul should not even be unsettled because it has no space to occupy. the bad thing about it is, i really do not know why i am acting this way. one minute i am happy and everything is just peachy, the next everything is shot all the way down to hell. what the fuck is up with that? jesus christ i am so confused i can not think straight. usually, when i feel off-kilter or down i go to the mall spend a small amount of money and then everything goes back to normal. that was then. but now, hell, now is the first time i haven't been able to bounce back to my usual perky self. sure, i can still interact with others like i usually do, i can still fake around and smile like i just won the lottery. but now, i really can not say i mean all of it. i keep on telling people i do not lie. if that is so, then i've just proven myself wrong. i just lied to them by pretending all is quite alright. which it isn't. it sucks. i can not find a reason why i feel this way except that i am finally depressed. as in honest to goodness depressed. crap. that's crap. i don't do depression. maybe i just needed a good long and healthy lachrynal fluid release. as in the works. or do i? or maybe i'm really bored. cripes, if boredom can do this to me, i want to know what depression can do. no wait, scratch that last part. i don't want to know.