Gomenasai, Honto ni Gomen...

Earlier today, I was having breakfast with a friend (Pau) when my inability to put into words what I want to say was brought home to me in the worst way possible. My failure to communicate what I wanted to say may have cost me a friend. Well, a potential friend at least. Don't misunderstand me, it was most probably my fault and I take the full blame for it. I was so intent on trying not to make her be offended over what I wanted to say and when I finally said what it was that I needed to say, it still offended her. Maybe it was best left unsaid and that I should not have given her my two cents' worth as I did not really have the flair, much less the talent or skills to make myself heard or at the very least NOT misunderstood. It was just so sad. I did not want to lose the friendship that has blossomed between us, but then again, I didn't think she'd want to have anything to do with me especially with her reaction yesterday and her aversion/resistance to my pathetic efforts to restore the friendship. I sort of knew it was futile but then, I could not bear it. Everytime I've thought about it, I can't help but think it was really my fault and the mere thought was enough to almost make me cry; to stop the tears from falling. I have never blundered this big ever. Especially not with my friends. It hurts so much. Sure, it was mortifying on my part. But I really didn't really care about that. I was such a waste. sayan. I'm really sorry, Pauline. It was never my intention to offend you in any way. Thanks for the good times and the friendship.