February 2008 Archives

i'm sick and tired of this. i do not like being in limbo and i do not know what else to do to make this chain of bad events stop! i'm at the point wherein i just want to give in and just lose it all already and i do not know what else to do to keep all my shit together. i know the gods do not give us trials that we can not surpass. demo... kami-sama! this is a lot to swallow. shit

finally, after weeks of leaving us dangling in the air they have given us an ultimatum. i do not call it that lightly. i call it an ultimatum because that is exactly what it is. they tell you "you have an option" and true enough, they DO give you a choice; a choice of which waepon to kill yourself with! they're playing with people's livelihoods just like children would play with their toys. you play with them, shower them with attention, and when you get tired of it, you may just dispose of the old toy. i've been ranting about this for the past week and some of you might say, "so what exactly is in it for you?" WIIFM as we oh-so-fondly call it, is that i get to take it out of my system so it doesn't build up. coz the alternative to that is to bottle it up and then make it explode and rain all over the freaking place. "aww... it ain't so bad" you say? okay, imagine this: you've been working your ass out for your company for the past year and change thinking you're in good hands and you can actually grow some roots here but then your world is suddenly tipped upsidedown. not only that, you just realised that if you go looking for another job now, almost everything else is a downgrade not only career-wise but also financial-wise! heh. see? they had us by the neck and they know it. i, for one would like to stay on but i'm not sure what i can do at this point. like what evan almighty said in the movie: "Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?" only in this case it should be "collaboration" eh? afterall, collaboration is always positive except in wartime (working with the emeny aand all that jazz..) or was that collusion? wahahaha psych! ^___^

thought i'd post this poem here. this was posted on my old blog: Drifting Changing seasons... changing lives How easy it is to switch sides Yet somehow so hard to settle Turbulent as the clouds on a stormy day Angry as the seas caught in a wave There is no place safe enough a distance No place far enough to hide Like a faithful shadow it lingers Tighter than a lover’s embrace it clings With every step you take backwards It shall take two steps forward Closer and closer it comes Deeper and deeper you fall Feel its frigid fingers reaching out Feel it pull you to dark oblivion Past oblivion you fall… to this place you call Hell Burning hot, flesh tearing away… Little by little it shall consume you Every passing second you come closer to death Cycle goes on and on ‘til eternity The pain is excruciating! There is no relief The peace you seek is only a far away dream You grasp around the edges of your sanity Searching for an anchor from the torrents of your mind A nightmare of your own making is what I call it There is no salvation if you find it in you Who are you and why are you here? Are you ready to face the truth? That which you run away from Shall I open Pandora’s box? Shall I unleash your greatest fear? Shall I... shall I release... you? Emiko ~27May, 2006 8:32PM MNL~

the sudden changes in my company's structure has finally gotten to the point wherein i can no longer tolerate it. i used to believe this company's going to be the last company i'll be working for. but then, all this shit started happening. constructive dismissal's their cup of tea at the moment and much as me and my colleagues want to do something about it, we can not. sure, we can hire a high-scale lawyer to make enough of a ruckus to make them "see the light" but we all know that once we got the ball rolling it'll be the end of our call center career (if not that of our dealings with other industries otherwise affiliated with the said company.) and since this is pretty much one of the highest paying jobs in the market right now, i think it's safe to say that the legal action is not the smartest thing to do. whatever the hell else i am trying to do, it will all just boil down to whether i will still have my job by the end of Q1 or not. that this stupid dilly dallying is causing a damned lot of discord is such an understatement of epic proportions it is embarrassing! do i love the company? yes. do i love saying i work for it? hell, yeah! do i love its management and all that it has decided? f*ck no! no disrespect nor discrimination to other races i am currrently working on, sometimes it really makes me wish for somebody at the helm to be someone who understands and is highly patriotic in favor of my country. it is very irritating to lose just because the head honcho just happened to not be a filipino and might not be that concerned to what will happen to us. oh sure, on a superficial level he might be interested/concerned enough to make the effort but won't lose sleep if it falls through. biased? maybe. i'm probably thinking too emotionally to be objective but then, i can not see the "truth" as they envisioned it; the "truth" as they advertised it. show us the vision you see, tell us the truth straight so we'll understand it more. is it a business decision? what are your thoughts? what happened to "we will take care of you" speech you made back in new hire orientation? fact of the matter is, you reneged your claim to us and expect us to just say thank you. i think we deserve an explanation and not just a half-assed version where we have to use quantum physics to understand. there. i've said my piece.

i've been trying to put off making a decision for the longest time about this issue and it looks like i can no longer put it off any longer than i already have. personally i am living a good life. not too flashy, not to shabby either. there's food on the table plus a bit more to spare. i admit it, i'm not one of the most ambitious type you'll ever run into. i'm a lazy bum and i like it that way. but then, reality rears its ugly head and douses me with cold water as a wake up call. hmm... irritating, that. it came to the point wherein i can no longer ignore/allow reality to pass me by and i'm having a hard time facing up to that fact. i talked to a very good friend of mine and he told me, "have faith and hope it will happen and everything will follow just like u planned it." it's a sound advise; one i think i'll keep close to my heart. it's same as my principle in life, i'll just take it easy, take it one step at a time and i'll get to the top eventually. whether it's the top of the world or on top of something else, i have no earthly idea. Que Sera Sera, I guess.