I jave just spent the better part of an hour battling against our toilet's flusher. It's stopped working a few days ago and I was too lazy to fix it right away. Instead, I just cut the water flow off from going to the toilet further. Had to use the pail to clean up and stuff. :P I finally took the effort to check it earlier and found what's wrong with it. The entire valve tank kit is busted so the water's just dripping uselessly. So I hurried over to the D.I.Y. store and bought the kit to replace the whole thing. Just so you know, the whole kit costs around PhP1,500 now. -___-;; oh well. When I got back from my errand, I went over to the toilet to fix it. I'm no plumber so I spent a small amount of time figuring out which goes where and what. It's pretty straight forward but I wasn't to confident with my plumbing skills. Hehe! Finally found the courage to try and fix it. I took out the old flushing disk, the flush lever and the vertical cylinder that holds the "water-stopper" and replaced it with the new one. Everything seems to be going fine until I tested my work. Sad to say, it didn't work. NOT because of something I did wrong or something I installed there by mistake, but because the hose that was supposed to supply water up to the cistern decided it is time for it to retire as well! Damn. It frustrated the heck out of me so I decided to blog about it after I cleaned up, so here I am. For now, I shall take my leave of the flushing mechanism and I'll battle with it another day.
Mood: flushed. *ahem*
Currently listening to: Changin' by Stephanie
I just talked to my Senior Program Manager in my company earlier and first of all, I just have this to say this: I came in feeling all's well in the world and I came out feeling like shit.
I have tried to be positive about my situation with my company despite all the dismal way they have handled my employment and the disorganised manner their entire organization is in right now. I'm not happy saying it but, I'm at the point wherein I'm just so disgusted at their treatment and at the same time so very disappointed that it has left me with no choice but to just start ranting about it.
But why, you ask? Simple:
1. Company is so disorganised they did not even have a management training for managers and just leave them to their own devices; gotta learn every single thing on their own using their own methods to find out about it. Heck, even the Manager Access to the program you're in is not automatically configured to your login/name that you would have to create your own access request, which, in turn, will only get cancelled/declined/put on hold because the reuqest should come from the direct manager (which, obviously they would not proactively do) or at least get an approval in writing for such. I mean, helloooo?! what the hell? I'm a newbie here, fer godssakes! what the hell do I freaking know about shit like that? I sisn't come out of the box FULLY equipped/installed with all the data necessary for this company. They have to handle that and show ME the ropes. I should not have had to run around in circles trying to figure out which ones I need access on and which ones I don't.
2. If they can't supply the job due to "business needs" then they could just say it outright and not have to sugar-coat things. Why don't they just fire me if they can not walk the talk so we can get this shit over with? Don't try to sugar-coat the situation by saying you're going to remove me from the program but still try to keep me as an employee for a month, trying your level best to transfer me to another account and give me options that are really not options because that's bullsh*t.
3. The company needs to get their act together. They're a fairly well off company but they don't succeed as fast as they should because the resources they have are distributed in the wrong manner. Meaning enybody and everybody who is connected to a program does what everyone else is doing. (i.e. managers do their weekly audits, trainers are mandated to di their audits, qas do their own audits, etc, etc.)
4. No Proper boundary of each and every Job Description. What does, the other must do and all must be calibrated. Calibration is a good thing. HOWEVER, if it starts to add more load to your current Job Description entails, then that's wrong. (i.e. You're getting paid to be a trainer so why the hell are you trying to set your foot in management erritory? If you're a manager for the account, you should not manage other department's employees regardless if you're level 5 and they are level 2. You need to go through the proper channels. READ: it's called common coutesy; professionalism; not by-passing authority. (whoever said a manager in the OPS floor can order the trainers/qas around without having to ASK/CONSULT with their respective managers, are loooong due for a wake up call. dumbass)
5. Don't just hire people because you think they look impressive or just bcause they talk pretty. That's called sucking up. If your managers are not happy with their managers, they are bound to NOT do their best. They have hands on contact with your frontlin reps. so if they decide they're not happy with the account, you're in BIIIIG trouble; it means you're about to get screwed. You may not be trying to win the popularity contest, but remember this, you're not trying to win the "who is the asshole" contest either. The mere fact that you're the upper management means you have to show them they have someone to look up to and that they respect the person they will b following. It's not enough that you just tell them off all the time. Oh and you gotta understand the motto: "praise in public and yell in private."
I will just limit my rant to 5 for now. If I think of something else, then I will just post another entry as part 2. At this point, I'm starting to believe that the company's going nowhere and will not really go anywhere at all. The boat is sinking..? Maybe.
MOOD: pissed >__<
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Gekidou by UVERworld
i'm sick and tired of this. i do not like being in limbo and i do not know what else to do to make this chain of bad events stop! i'm at the point wherein i just want to give in and just lose it all already and i do not know what else to do to keep all my shit together. i know the gods do not give us trials that we can not surpass. demo... kami-sama! this is a lot to swallow.
shit
finally, after weeks of leaving us dangling in the air they have given us an ultimatum. i do not call it that lightly. i call it an ultimatum because that is exactly what it is. they tell you "you have an option" and true enough, they DO give you a choice; a choice of which waepon to kill yourself with! they're playing with people's livelihoods just like children would play with their toys. you play with them, shower them with attention, and when you get tired of it, you may just dispose of the old toy.
i've been ranting about this for the past week and some of you might say, "so what exactly is in it for you?" WIIFM as we oh-so-fondly call it, is that i get to take it out of my system so it doesn't build up. coz the alternative to that is to bottle it up and then make it explode and rain all over the freaking place.
"aww... it ain't so bad" you say? okay, imagine this: you've been working your ass out for your company for the past year and change thinking you're in good hands and you can actually grow some roots here but then your world is suddenly tipped upsidedown. not only that, you just realised that if you go looking for another job now, almost everything else is a downgrade not only career-wise but also financial-wise! heh. see?
they had us by the neck and they know it. i, for one would like to stay on but i'm not sure what i can do at this point. like what evan almighty said in the movie: "Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?" only in this case it should be "collaboration" eh? afterall, collaboration is always positive except in wartime (working with the emeny aand all that jazz..) or was that collusion? wahahaha psych! ^___^
the sudden changes in my company's structure has finally gotten to the point wherein i can no longer tolerate it. i used to believe this company's going to be the last company i'll be working for. but then, all this shit started happening. constructive dismissal's their cup of tea at the moment and much as me and my colleagues want to do something about it, we can not. sure, we can hire a high-scale lawyer to make enough of a ruckus to make them "see the light" but we all know that once we got the ball rolling it'll be the end of our call center career (if not that of our dealings with other industries otherwise affiliated with the said company.) and since this is pretty much one of the highest paying jobs in the market right now, i think it's safe to say that the legal action is not the smartest thing to do.
whatever the hell else i am trying to do, it will all just boil down to whether i will still have my job by the end of Q1 or not. that this stupid dilly dallying is causing a damned lot of discord is such an understatement of epic proportions it is embarrassing! do i love the company? yes. do i love saying i work for it? hell, yeah! do i love its management and all that it has decided? f*ck no! no disrespect nor discrimination to other races i am currrently working on, sometimes it really makes me wish for somebody at the helm to be someone who understands and is highly patriotic in favor of my country. it is very irritating to lose just because the head honcho just happened to not be a filipino and might not be that concerned to what will happen to us. oh sure, on a superficial level he might be interested/concerned enough to make the effort but won't lose sleep if it falls through. biased? maybe. i'm probably thinking too emotionally to be objective but then, i can not see the "truth" as they envisioned it; the "truth" as they advertised it. show us the vision you see, tell us the truth straight so we'll understand it more. is it a business decision? what are your thoughts? what happened to "we will take care of you" speech you made back in new hire orientation? fact of the matter is, you reneged your claim to us and expect us to just say thank you. i think we deserve an explanation and not just a half-assed version where we have to use quantum physics to understand.
there. i've said my piece.
My blog's being plagued by spam for the past 2 weeks now, not sure why my darned spaminator can't block 'em. Used to work fine before... >_< it's annoying the hell out of me!
there's this friend of ours that i really like. thing is, it's making me nervous and giddy at the same time whenever i think about it. *fuu* i don't want to hurt this person. i know, it's such a childish thing to say.
it's just... i never thought this one's going to be serious -that ANYBODY's serious at all is such a big surprise, actually. but what if i'm not that in love and i end up hurting this one? it's not always about me, i know. i just think it is too much of a risk.
*sigh* i don't know what to do... for once in my life i'm in a quandary and there's really nothing i think i can do to clear things out.
mood: confused
A friend of mine told me a few days ago that the “men (?)” in my life have been taking advantage of me. Hmm… at first I thought she meant it in the ‘green’ way. ^^;; I was wrong.
I must admit she has a point. I’ve have had more than 2 guys cancel out dates on me at the very last minute with just the simplest of excuses to explain their reason. Heck, even hotel reservations need more than 2 hours cancellation notice otherwise you get charged a night room plus tax penalty! >.< one guy even chose sleep over going out with me. Sheesh, and here I thought I was a better person to get a better treatment than that. Apparently these guys thought different.
So, I was forced to do a leettle soul searching to find out if there is something about Maybelle that makes her dates take advantage of her. Frankly, I thought I was doing just fine on my own. Like, I was courteous, not too demanding, I most definitely do not nag as I hate talking unnecessarily, I was not rude. So, that kind of left me quite puzzled. I did the next best thing: I asked friends what they think.
Some of them told me it’s not me, it’s the guys I go out with –or try to go out with, that is. That they’re too involved in their own world to consider other person’s feeling but their own. But then again, I told her, more than thrice makes it a trend doesn’t it? Like for murder cases to be categorized as serial cases, it needs to happen at least 3 times first or something like that. Is it the same with love, dating and such? Kind of disturbing to compare dating to serial murder cases now that I think about it. Oh well.
or maybe i feel a deep longing that i want to fill so bad it manifests itself into physical sickness. it's like cabin fever only i am not trapped in a cabin or house. i can roam around but i can do nothing else. fuck. now i'm talking in circles. the only times i feel like my old self is when i read a book and shortly after that. or maybe i am finally realizing that the books are really poor substitute to reality. what is up with reality anyways? it is really not all that glamorous and people are not what or who they seem. i can live without them for days at a time but not without my books. they keep me sane. which is more than can be said about life in general. focus too much on one thing, you lose your sanity.
maybe it's the lack of love in my life that's making me what i am right now. i can not even point a finger to anyone. it's just the way it is. maybe i do not have what it takes, the qualifiers so to speak, to be loved like so. or maybe i am just hurrying things up as usual. no, i don't think that's what it is. this "i'm not lovable enough" crap has been my pet peeve ever since i can remember. so where do i go from here? what should i do? i did not want to talk to anybody about it coz i know they can not help me. they're too full of themselves to make my angst matter to them. it's true. though they will listen and say the proper words, they really do not give a damn. and that's the most pathetic thing i have every seen. i have been aware of it since i was young. they will listen not because they care or they love you, but because they know that if they don't make the proper responses, they wil not be "serviced" in return when the time comes. life's a bitch, ergo, they will be the alpha bitches and bastards. am i really that surprised? no. though, to give myself credit, i have some really good friends who listen because they really care what goes on in my life. sadly, they are really few and they don't even have the same lifestyle or schedule as i do. so i don't get to chat with them a lot.
damn, this thing is really taxing. emotionally exhausting. ah. maybe i am just spiritually exhausted? probably. i think i feel the beginings of panic when first thought i was spiritually spent. not a good sign. i don't want to go through counselling. maybe i'm missing God. but i can not miss God; he's always here in my mind and heart so it really doesn't make any sense.
